Getting through

So another day has passed. Each day I ask myself how do people that have a tremendous loss continue to live their lives. I truly don't know how it's done. I wouldn't say that I am doing it. I am kind of just muddling through this life I have at the moment. I keep telling myself that there is something left to do or I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't say I have survivors guilt because I didn't face danger and beat it. A disease took my mother's life nothing more, nothing less. I miss here so much. I want to find the strength to be more hopeful of life...until then I will watch the days pass instead of enjoying them.

Did you pray?

It's June already! I was suppose to have written at least 10 posts by now, instead I have written two posts. Life has a way of changing without your control. Many life changing things have happened to me within these six months. The year started off really well. February was a low month for me and work, and after that it just continued to decline. The most troubling thing that occurred so far is my mother leaving her earthly form on April 29, 2012. You never know how important a person is to you until they are no longer in your life. I hurt so bad. My everything died that day. So I am left to face the world alone. It's weird because I know we are suppose to bury our parents and this is the life cycle that we have grown to understand. I never liked death, it was always so final. Last night a friend text'd me and asked me if I prayed. I responded with I stopped praying on April 29, 2012. I still pray over my food and I kind of talk to God but I haven't prayed since I left the hospital where my mom was slowly leaving. Everyone around me is saying that things happen for a reason. It's God's will. So I am suppose to take that and be okay with it? I am suppose to say okay God my mom dead let the good times roll? Please! That's not how life works. I never thought I would be here at this moment wondering how and why my mother is not longer here. Not at this moment at least. So no I haven't prayed and I don't know if I really want to pray. I know one thin,g I miss and want my mother back. That's all. So where do I go from here? How I do I move on when I never wanted to be here in the first place. Life is cruel at times.

Things Happen for a Reason..or so I am told....

It's been forever since I posted. I am moving soon God willing. I am almost finished with my first career and hopefully I can begin to work on my second career, teaching. I want to make a difference in a positive way for people. I have been in Connecticut for almost three years, it's been rough. Of course everything has it's ups and downs. I can't say whether or not there were more downs than ups but I am almost finished. My personal life is still the same no changes. I never thought I would be at this stage of my life with just me to worry about. Strange. Whitney Houston died this year. I was so devastated when I heard that she had passed, not that I didn't expect for her life to end early if she kept on living the life that the media stated she did. I really hoped that she would have lived to a tender age past 85, it wasn't in the cards. Her and Michael Jackson were my all time favorite stars in the music world. It's crazy how these people touch your life and when they leave you sometimes feel a little empty. Death is so final.