Rollerblading

Hello! So..I am obese according to BMI scale. Not a big deal because I know that I am somewhat over weight. I decided that this year I would eat greener and exercise more. So since January 1st I have been making green smoothies daily but lacked in the exercise department. I decided to go rollerblading today. I haven't roller bladed since I lived in Italy which was about 13 years ago. So today was the day that I decided to go and try it out. Mind you the last time I went rollerblading I fell and hurt myself. You know they say history repeats itself for a reason. Wow! So I go out real early so not everyone can see me hurt myself because I knew it was coming. There is about a 1.5 mile stretch of road from my house. I was going to go and come back, and I will say rollerblading is like riding a bike once you get it you got it. I was doing okay for the most part until I started going down a hill and thought how am I going to stop. Well the ground of course. I only had on my hand guards nothing else so when I landed, I landed head first. FACEPLANT!! My face has some road rash and my head got it as well. SMH I should have worn the helmet. Anyway that ended today's exercise session because I was a little dizzy and in pain. I will go again next Saturday after I get some roller skates. Happy January!!!

January 1, 2014

Wow! I made it through another year. How great is that? This year was extremely rough for me in many ways work, relationship, health, and emotionally. I would have to say I had more failures than successes in 2013. I hope that this year proves to be more uplifting and better overall than 2013. Sometimes suffering a lost made me want to stop and give up. I am not totally over not wanting to fight anymore sometimes it's easier to just not than to "do". I don't know at this point what really makes me tick so I guess that's why I continue on this crazy journey called life.

Getting through

So another day has passed. Each day I ask myself how do people that have a tremendous loss continue to live their lives. I truly don't know how it's done. I wouldn't say that I am doing it. I am kind of just muddling through this life I have at the moment. I keep telling myself that there is something left to do or I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't say I have survivors guilt because I didn't face danger and beat it. A disease took my mother's life nothing more, nothing less. I miss here so much. I want to find the strength to be more hopeful of life...until then I will watch the days pass instead of enjoying them.

Did you pray?

It's June already! I was suppose to have written at least 10 posts by now, instead I have written two posts. Life has a way of changing without your control. Many life changing things have happened to me within these six months. The year started off really well. February was a low month for me and work, and after that it just continued to decline. The most troubling thing that occurred so far is my mother leaving her earthly form on April 29, 2012. You never know how important a person is to you until they are no longer in your life. I hurt so bad. My everything died that day. So I am left to face the world alone. It's weird because I know we are suppose to bury our parents and this is the life cycle that we have grown to understand. I never liked death, it was always so final. Last night a friend text'd me and asked me if I prayed. I responded with I stopped praying on April 29, 2012. I still pray over my food and I kind of talk to God but I haven't prayed since I left the hospital where my mom was slowly leaving. Everyone around me is saying that things happen for a reason. It's God's will. So I am suppose to take that and be okay with it? I am suppose to say okay God my mom dead let the good times roll? Please! That's not how life works. I never thought I would be here at this moment wondering how and why my mother is not longer here. Not at this moment at least. So no I haven't prayed and I don't know if I really want to pray. I know one thin,g I miss and want my mother back. That's all. So where do I go from here? How I do I move on when I never wanted to be here in the first place. Life is cruel at times.

Things Happen for a Reason..or so I am told....

It's been forever since I posted. I am moving soon God willing. I am almost finished with my first career and hopefully I can begin to work on my second career, teaching. I want to make a difference in a positive way for people. I have been in Connecticut for almost three years, it's been rough. Of course everything has it's ups and downs. I can't say whether or not there were more downs than ups but I am almost finished. My personal life is still the same no changes. I never thought I would be at this stage of my life with just me to worry about. Strange. Whitney Houston died this year. I was so devastated when I heard that she had passed, not that I didn't expect for her life to end early if she kept on living the life that the media stated she did. I really hoped that she would have lived to a tender age past 85, it wasn't in the cards. Her and Michael Jackson were my all time favorite stars in the music world. It's crazy how these people touch your life and when they leave you sometimes feel a little empty. Death is so final.

Inspiration

It's 2011! Next year I leave Connecticut, I am so excited about that. I think not knowing where I am going gives me that excitement, but the anticipation drives me crazy. I have met a lot of wonderful people here many of them I hope to keep in contact some I could care less about. The thing that I have found myself needing is strength to go forward. I have had so many obstacles around me that each time I move ahead I am somehow pushed back, no matter how I have approached the situation there is someone always telling me that I am not good enough. "What?" Is my thought,then I think "you don't even know me", when I hear that. "You don't know my struggles and you definitely aren't helping me progress with those negative thoughts or actions". That's what I think. The negative people, their negative thoughts, the ones that tell me I can't, well those are the people that inspire me.

Life

It's Sunday and it snowed last night. Yeah snow, only if I were in school and not a full time employee. Life is great of course, just a view things going on in my work life. After I posted my last post I questioned whether or not I would continue to share my thoughts online, with no one at the moment because I don't believe anyone is reading my message which is okay with me. Well anyway the snow blower guy is outside doing what he is suppose to do. I am getting ready go and do some laundry. I think I know what I am going to do once I retire which is in six years. It's kind of like a light bulb actually came on today while eating my bowl of Cheerios. I love it. Well it's shower time.